To blog or not to blog...

I sat down at my computer tonight with no intention of starting a blog. To be honest, I have sort of thought blogging seemed a little narcissistic for me because what could I possibly have to say that would be interesting enough to post? Having said that, I think this blog is more for me. There is something cathartic about typing out day to day thoughts. And, if others read it and are able to take away some little tid-bit of something, then all the better.

The title of the blog comes from a quote from one of my favorite characters in the Harry Potter novels and movies- Luna Lovegood. Though she may sometimes seem a bit detached from what is going on around her, her overall view that 'things always turn up in the end,' is a comforting thought if we're able to believe it.

Where I find myself today isn't where I was several years ago. I was, for lack of a better term, broken following the sudden death of my Daddy and the unexpected unraveling of my marriage (all while I was trudging through veterinary school and having a toddler at home). Though there are countless others out there (some possibly even reading this blog) who have a much sadder story to tell than my own, coming back from where I was back then when my world seemed to be falling apart around me, hasn't been an easy journey. It has been a journey of forgiveness (forgiving my ex-husband for choosing a different life, forgiving myself for mistakes made along the way), growth (Am I really this quiet. shy girl without a lot to say? No, I don't think I will be anymore), and a lot of love and support from friends and family. But, the ins and outs of that journey aren't as important as the take-home message, which is that you are undeniably stronger than you ever think you are when you need to be. The key is to mourn for what you've lost for as long as you need to, but when you are ready, pick yourself up and look forward- only glancing back when you need to- and even then only for brief moments.

That doesn't mean that there aren't struggles. There are times I miss my Daddy so much that it is hard to catch my breath. But, I am optimistic that the best is yet to come. I have an incredible 7 year old son (who for the sake of his safety and anonymity I shall refer to in this blog as 'Charlie'). He is always amazing me, making me laugh, and making me a better person. Tonight he was telling me about this girl in his 1st grade class (his first little crush). He blushes when he talks about her. He says,"Maddie has been to all 50 states, Mom." Apparently, he prefers well-traveled woman.

So, moving into the present then, my 'hobby' right now (not sure you can really call it a hobby- obsession may be a more appropriate term) is returning to my post under-grad weight. I lost my baby weight shortly after Charlie was born. That seemed all too easy. The extra weight I bear now is my post vet-school weight. (The actual vet school weight itself I lost post-divorce. Once my appetite came back, it came back with a cruel vengeance.) So, I am researching and learning to re-adjust my eating patterns. I grew up having meat, 2 sides, and bread with dinner every night with very unrealistic portion sizes. That was my normal, and I had the metabolism to support it then. That is no longer the case. My friend, metabolism, has turned on me and is now considered a vindictive traitor. I have also given in and joined a gym. Those who know me know how much I dislike the gym. But, I am learning to find a begrudging fondness for it if it helps me reach my goal weight. I will keep you posted. If I find helpful tips and tricks along the way, I will post them here in case others are struggling with the same thing. I will tell you, I downloaded myfitnesspal from myfitnesspal.com, and that has been very helpful for me in holding me accountable for the things I eat and how much exercise I am getting.

Well, Charlie will be getting up for school in a few hours, and I have some reading to do before bed. So, I will say goodnight and hope that this blogging adventure is not only helpful for me (and fun to write), but that maybe I will find some morsel of insight that is helpful to someone else as well.